Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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