last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
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