you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Randomize
