And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
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