I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize