And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Randomize
