do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
it was like his penis was on wheels.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
