remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Randomize
