somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
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