i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
