im having a threesome with these popsicles
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
i am craving dick and cupcakes
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
