a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Randomize