I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
