were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize