I am puke
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Randomize
