After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
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