Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
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