this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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