It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
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