So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Randomize
