I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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