How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Randomize
