She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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