listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
