and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
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