I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
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