the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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