Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
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