I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
