Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
