oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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