so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
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