When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Randomize
