Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
