What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
Randomize
