the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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