census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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