Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Found the puke drawer
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
