Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
jump out the window naked night went bad
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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