I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
