you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Randomize
