Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
