I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
