Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize