the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
My ass is underappreciated
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Randomize
