We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
