he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Randomize
