mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
It's official drugs can't kill me
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
