I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
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