Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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