Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
