my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
