Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
