This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize