I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Boobs speak an international language.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
