I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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