There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
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