pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
Randomize
