Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
