I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
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