Got a toothbrush?
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Randomize
