you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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