I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
