Define "chronic" masturbator.
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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